*That time I got up the nerve to ask a guy out and a reminder for pushing past your fears...
Several weeks ago –– fueled by Sauvy B (naturally) and the fact that I was actually wearing makeup (see proof here) –– I got up the courage to ask a guy staying in my building if he wanted to have a drink and hang out.
I couldn’t tell you the last time I flirted, let alone asked a guy on a date IRL, but my nervous sweating was a dead give away (hint: it had been YEARSSSSS!!).
Now, before I tell you what happened and my reason for sharing this story, allow me to set the stage with a little backstory. Read on...
For those who don't know, I live in a 4-unit Victorian house where the other three units are Airbnbs –– not ideal when you're sharing walls, floors and ceilings with revolving tenants (note to anyone considering living in a multi-unit Airbnb building), but I digress.
Anyway, as mentioned above, a cute guy had temporarily moved into one of the short term rental units and immediately caught my eye. He'd been in Sacramento for the past year and a half (only in my building for 2 weeks at the time) on a construction job, but was heading back to where he was from the following week.
We’d had a few friendly exchanges during his stay, so armed with a dolled up face (I’d played with makeup earlier that evening), a glass of Sauvy B (okay, two) and no expectations, I went downstairs to see if he’d like to have a drink and hang out.
After 20 months of no real dating or opportunities for spontaneous encounters –– thank you, pandemic –– I was craving male interaction and banter, so I went for it (after A LOT of internal debating, I should add).
Once I'd sufficiently wavered between "I'm hot and totally got this" and "Meh, maybe I'll just stay in, put on sweatpants and watch another chick flick," I finally figured, “Fuck it, why not?! He’s leaving in a week –– what do I have to lose?”
So I took a deep breath (and a big swig of that Sauvy B) and went downstairs to knock on his door.
I was suddenly soooo nervous and increasingly sweating as the seconds ticked on.
Also, I didn’t know what to do with my hands!!! I had debated bringing my wine with me, along with a glass for him, but decided against it — didn’t want to appear too eager — so then I was left standing there, feeling like Molly Shannon’s character on SNL, desperately wanting to shove them in my armpits simply so I’d stop nervously fidgeting or aggressively hand talking.
Anyway, back to the story...
I knocked, he answered, we chatted, I asked if he felt like hanging out and having a drink, to which he replied “Ahhh, thanks, but I better not” (he had to get up at 3am for said construction job), we chatted some more, and that was that.
I went back to my apartment (and my trusty glass of Sauvy B) and with a big ass grin on my face, I put on a rom-com and spent the night alone. Again.
Even though nothing came of it and I ended up watching a chick flick anyway, I’m so glad I put myself out there! It felt good, you know –– to get out of my comfort zone and COVID bubble, even if only for a moment. I mean, I may have talked too fast and overshared during our brief conversation –– both telltale signs that I’m nervous –– but I’m so glad I did it. I’m so glad I pushed through my “what if he says no” fear and just went for it.
Feeling proud of my bold attempt, I texted a dear friend who I knew would get it (she’s single, too) and along with her “I’m proud of you” praise, she also shared this:
“I follow someone [on IG] who says: Do it for the plot. You’ve got nothing to lose. Either things won’t work out or maybe you’ll have an orgasm.🤣”
I love that. Would’ve loved the orgasm, too, to be honest (ha!), but either way, I still have a pretty great story to tell. Plus, I won't be plagued by the dreaded shoulda-woulda-coulda regret.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
Do it for the plot, my friends.
Whatever it is you’re holding yourself back from, remember that phrase the next time you get the chance to be bold –– to do something that scares the shit out of you, or as in my case, makes you sweat from nervous excitement.
Stop waiting for this shit show (you know the one) to be over before you start living again and don’t let the negative “what-ifs” get in the way once you do.
I feel like we’ve all been collectively holding our breath, waiting to make a move until we’re “certain” of things again. But here’s the thing: pandemic or no pandemic — or natural disasters, political battles, social injustices, and so on — that’s life, isn’t it?! It’s just one big bowl of uncertainty, so why not just go for it –– go after that thing you can’t stop thinking about. Fuck it — what do you have to lose?
Do it for the plot. I guarantee your life will be a hell of a lot more interesting and fun if you do.
And if you need me, I’ll be the one over here, cheering you on as you make your bold — look out world! — moves…