From a place of possibility, rather than fear – final thoughts for 2021 and my hope for the new year
I’m a 38-year old woman who despite wanting a partner has been single for nearly a decade, has never been married and doesn’t have kids (and may never); who’s started over in her career multiple times, is slowly but intentionally building a business behind the scenes, while teaching several fitness classes and waitressing four nights a week to make ends meet; who’s gone gray, gained wrinkles (and the wisdom that comes with both) and has fluctuated in her weight, direction AND confidence multiple times since going freelance at the end of 2018, then enduring a pandemic shortly after that wiped it all away in one fell swoop; who continues to lean into the mantra “everything is an experiment” and recently added “consistency over urgency” to combat the feeling of being behind while bordering on burnout; and who simply won’t settle.
I don’t have it all figured out and have no idea what the future holds, but what I do know is this:
When I get to the end of the line, whenever that may be, I want to look back on my life and say, “HELL YEAH, I DID THAT!”
I left the corporate world and a high-paying salary with benefits, the fancy title and a 401k to pursue something bigger and more soul-fulfilling, without any guarantees that things would work and as of right now, the jury’s still out…
I’ve gone on countless solo dates, trips and adventures and intend to keep it up, even after I’ve met “the one."
When I hit 35, I started planning, designing, styling and “starring in” annual photoshoots for no other reason than I love playing dress up and having my photo taken, and also because why the hell not?!
Do I want to be a model or think that I am one? Ha! Hard no. Am I trying to be the next style “influencer” who partners with brands to sell their products? Again, NOPE! I just like taking pretty pictures.
I didn’t get married at 25 or have 2 kids and buy a home by 30 (even though I was in a loving, long-term, “good on paper” relationship for most of my 20s).
I studiously climbed the corporate ladder only to realize 13 years later that it wasn’t at all what I truly wanted and every fiber of my being told me to jump off.
I’ve made a lot of money and lost a lot, too.
And I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
As you may have gathered — either from this post or by following along on Instagram or through my newsletter — life hasn’t gone according to plan (like, at alllllll), but what I’ve realized is that so much of it wasn’t actually my plan to begin with.
It’s also why I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to wait around for permission, the perfect timing or “my person” to do the things I want to do, no matter how people may perceive them or me.
Because as the saying (somewhat) goes, life’s too short to live it according to someone else’s dreams or expectations.
And so, my sweet reader, if there’s anything you take away from this story and bring with you into the new year, I hope it’s this:
Do the thing you can’t stop thinking about but are maybe too scared to try or do because of what people *might* think or because it *might not* work.
Will “they” — your family, friends, acquaintances on the internet — think you’re crazy? Maybe.
But do it anyway.
Could you fail? Absolutely.
But do it anyway.
Give yourself permission to live your life on your terms and from a place of possibility, rather than fear.
Start small, if you must, but start.
Be silly, joyful, bold and daring and above all, have some freaking fun!
And when "the plan" inevitably goes awry, consider it an invitation to shake things up. Take a breath, get creative, then start again –– as many times as you need to –– because this isn't a race and there's no first place; it's your life –– how do you want to live it?
Just a few final thoughts for 2021 and my hope for you (and me) as we enter into 2022 and embrace whatever may be. 💕
Sending you lots of love and all the BOOPS for a wonderful New Year...